Stillborn Reflection (2018)

The Fading Flame

Ashes and snow converging
In freezing rain, the fallen
Bare skin my moonlit canvas
Path mapped on pain and sorrow

Sinking down deep in the reverie of dreams awake
Drinking the wine of the fantasy I seek to slake

Deep beneath the ice burns the flame of my devotion
Just outside my grasp, all I’m reaching for
Will the flowers wilt, will the flames consume the ocean
Of the memories I so long to see return

Bearing my flesh to judgment
Behold my scars, my guidance
Four, six and one, my secret
Back to the start, the circle

Clawing my way from the shallow grave you dug for me
Snarling lust to consume the fragments in my dreams

Deep beneath the ice…


Cry out, O Hollow, while knowing not why you weep
Carelessly crafting an effigy of defeat
Nothing is real, no conviction behind your words
Cover your ears, let the truth be again unheard

Bend your knees
Cuckolded and silenced
Everything for nothing
Helplessness restrains you
Priviledges of burden

Here in dejection, the only sound
Your echoed voice
The mask of virtue will rot your eyes
Forever blind

You’ve imagined a monarch holding you back
Nihilism safer than hope
Drink the terror they peddle, poison yourself
Listen and believe, hate your birth

Here in dejection, the only sound
Your echoed voice
The mask of virtue will rot your eyes
Forever blind
Suckle the milk of their victimhood
Live just to serve
Your mask of virtue your only worth
The act you play


Martyr yourself for the cause of the day
Death is the price for a memory
Life without prospect you traded for fame
Kindling forever the flames of their hate

You are the excuse that set all of this in motion
Chose to pull the trigger with a hand that held no gun
Rising in the fire of their vitriolic justice
Oppression the new currency, the outcasts now the kings

Become the hammer, taken to ivory
Become the hammer, chipping the marble
Rise, Obsidian
Sightless, hearing only echoes
Surrender discourse, silence contention
Spreading delusion your only weapon
Rise, Obsidian
Deaf to every voice but your own

World in flames, yet you smile and laugh
Burning it down, setting fire to stone
Words met with violence and grief met with hate
Melting the chains of control and restraint

Hollow ring the cries of your revolution
Finding but an effigy you built

Become the hammer, taken to ivory…

Hold up the excuse that set all of this in motion
All that you have left to hide your vacuous deceit
Burning in the fire of your vitriolic justice
Tarnishing your currency, you’ve wasted all you had

Become the hammer, taken to ivory…


Who has felt the rush of bridges burning under amber skies?
Who has felt the sorrow turn to rage on a moonlit night?

All we are, the quintessence awoken
Recoking from the darkened path
Decadent in the feast of desire
Dreaming gods slumbering no more

Who has felt the touch of roses flushed mauve with coursing blood?
Can you feel regret give way to vengeance, the rising flood?

All we are…

Reverie of ghosts, in our grand fulfillment
Join in our excess and our ecstasy
Galaxies conducted in endless pirouettes
A silver star burns in darkest void

All we are…

Surrender’s Kiss

Undeserved, each tear I shed
Each drop of scorn I drink
Pride at war with giving in
Peace in surrender’s kiss

Relinquished, all of my passions
Unheard, my songs but lies

Verse nor rhyme can right this wrong
Beats of a broken heart
Word nor note can save this soul
Slumber at last

Relinquished, all of my passions
Unheard, my songs but lies
Extinguished, all of the candles
No hand will bring me home

In death I’ll bring you joy
Triumph in my defeat
Tears cried dry by the mask that I wear, not me
Nothing left but the act and the agony


Pleasures of the Blade

My strength, my weapons, the sword and the flame
Tools of the trade for this war on myself
This bloody battle the fight just to feel
Numbness recede as I wake from the haze

My gifts, my purpose, the touch of my flesh
Ravage me, use me, I offer myself
I’ll slake your thirst if you just hear my song
Rising and bringing us out of the haze

Crying for but one
One moment when I’m truly living
All I need is one
One instant when I know the difference
Between pleasures of the bed and pleasures of the blade
Both seeming equal in their sweetness and seduction
Both leave me sprinting to my grave

Licentious display the price of fame
Ravenous, consuming all restraint

Crying for but one…

Primrose path I chose to follow
Witless words that shame the sharpest knives

Crying for but one…


Overturned the stones, a desolate portrait
Dusk-held my scenery
Autumn without color, snow without footprints
Transient memory

Roll the bones
Show me my downfall

Fading from view, mirrored eyes eclipsed by dsitance
Here I shall stay, tend the graves of my fulfillment

Overgrown the weeds, they strangle the beauty
Starving the roses

Would that I
Could be among them

Fading from view, mirrored eyes eclipsed by dsitance
Here I shall stay, tend the graves of my fulfillment
Longing to dream, there at least I have remembrance
Ageless my hearth, dead to time, alive in memory


Gaze into my grieving eyes
Come join me in my cage

Come see my canvas, my pain
The boiling blood in me

The taste of my fruit, the seal of our fates

Reaching out to her was my worst mistake
My Eve, tragedienne, forever playing victim
So sure I was I could light her way
My Eve, my triumph and my failure

Knowledge tasted by us both
And both of us condemned

Come gather, mocking my shame
My weakness and disdain

The taste of my fruit, the seal of our fates

Reaching out to her…


Come into your sacred crown
Freedom from the burden of identity
By the edge of rusted blade
Privileged disposition of an object

Tamed by force, your only comfort ripped away from you
Now they say you’re pure
Never to rebel, a perfect prize

Drowning in blood what was once so pure
Scarring over what the scissors took

Your infection a rite of passage
As you suffer, your soul is saved
By tradition they act, unthinking
Rusted blades leave you ever maimed

Culture is the shield held up to defend their crimes
Tolerance the chains keeping us from daring to condemn

Your infection a rite of passage…

“Please forgive those who held her down on cut her
Deafened by her own screams, the sound of torture”
Mother’s love shown by butchering their daughters
Mutilation the rite by which they’re baptized

Come into your sacred crown…

Your infection a rite of passage…

Stillborn Reflection

I. Blackest Pitch Reflection

Blackest pitch reflection, show your face to me
Sing to me your song, your innermost conceit
Prove me right in all my darkest thoughts at last
All the lies I saw right through, yet lost the path

Fill my cage with water, let me drown, let me sleep
Drag me to the shoreline, let me be swept away

Beaten by the rain, consumed and haunted
Deeper down I fall into my darkness

Let the world erode my will to save myself
Take my shelter, take my comfort, leave my hell

Take me, pull me under, as the waves strike my face
Hold me in surrender, the embrace of the haze

Beaten by the rain, consumed and haunted
Deeper down I fall into my darkness
One by one I mourn the wilted flowers
Fading now, the flame, from time and from mem’ry

II. Stillborn

Sleep, dear sweet stillborn
Blessed with dark unbirth, never knowing life
Be spared the sorrow
Never taste existence and never know the pain that it brings
Dreamlessly slumber
Stay in your abyss, undefiled innocence, evermore

Sleep tight where you are, dream not of what could have been
Warmest sights bring heartbreaking nightmares
Comforting abyss that you never lived to fear
Lungs that never tasted the air

May your ears be deaf to the cries of those who grieve
Sheltered in the peace of the lifeless
Darkness without end, yet no fear of its embrace
Tranquil and serene, without end

III. Rebirth

So cold the shore
Dawnless, untended
Take me away from myself
In my eyes a storm, my gaze like a blizzard
Stand in my shadow and freeze to death
I’ll take your warmth
I’ll take your passion
All I will leave – your bitterness

So hard you tried to suck out the poison, only to drink it yourself
Open my veins, I’ll bleed out my darkness, burning to ash my malice
Thawing at last, the flame reignited, guided not by scars but passion
Crucible past, my triumph, finally an end
An end
A beginning
My rebirth

The Unheard Warning (2016)

Limits of Myself

At the median of pride and charity
In my mind a storm of despondence and anguish
At the breaking point of hope and clarity
Nothing left to lose, now the lie is extinguished

Warm breath on my ear, I hear you whisper the answers
To the questions never asked as blue turns to amber
Darkening the sky I feel you call me to slumber
Calling as the sweetest ocean draws me under

My shattered hope serves now to show the way
Beholding power I had forsaken
Where every drop of blood lost is reclaimed
Burning through the limits of myself

Their cunning whispers fueled my self-deception
Tempting me to don the mask of weakness
My cage destroyed, they’ll pay me back for every word
Preached in their crusade to conquer all I am

My shattered hope serves now to show the way…

As You Fall

In this cold duality, a helix of pain
Mired in condemning comfort
Scorned, yet exalted

Bury me, hate me, spurn me, break me
Carry me, sate me, burn me, take me
Follow me, sink into my darkness
Hollowing, leaving just your carcass

Cutting your ties to morality
Beg to rise above your crimes
Sever your feet so that you won’t stand
On the ground your sins have rotted
Cursing my name, you go to your graves
Trapped inside the demon’s web
Gouge out your eyes so that you won’t see
All my ghosts that bring you to your end

Fear the shadows of my pain
The beast with you in your bed
Hear the lying voice that whispers truth
You’re already dead
Drown in frigid waters
No more shelter to run and hide
Suffer in the deepest way
Submit as you rot inside

Cutting your ties to morality…

Yadid Lilith, Shamem Almah
Lela Qedeshah, Ani Shebach
Qadash Beram, Iqqesh Nephesh
Tamim Toebah, Chabal Oyeb

Eternal Truth, victim turned immortal
Gave up your life when you crossed my path
Infernal fangs tear apart your spirit
Now we consign, as I rise, you fall

Cutting your ties to morality…

For the Blind

Every day, contempt is growing
Putrefaction of the honest mind
What’s written supersedes what’s right
Congregation of enablers
Justify your flaws and numb your shame
Wondering why all you have is pain

I call to you, Poison Blade That Wields Itself
Twelve-Winged Angel
Venom of Hell
Shells that smother holiness, impugning the lies
Slaughter their blindness
Open their eyes

It’s a choice you make to fill your life with travesty
It’s a choice you make to waste away in slavery
It’s a choice you make to wait for something that won’t come
Please just learn how to see

It’s a choice you make to fill your life with travesty…

Words and will, thought becomes creation
Set your wisdom free from its bondage
Unchain passion, release desire
Let your sorrows go
Wake from numbness

It’s a choice you make to fill your life with travesty…

The Bridges You Burn

‚ÄčTrespass the fortress inside of my mind
All that you care for will be left behind
This is my vengeance, my bliss and my thrall
You sought to gain, now you’re losing it all

Feed me your feeble disdain, your fear and hatred
Give me the rush of the bridges you burn
Kindle the flames with your dreams and your potential
Immolate all that you could have achieved

Erudite knowledge, the absinthe and line
Kiss of the sylph, whispered words anodyne
Blood-darkened roses flushed mauve, opiate
Tanin Steed rising and conquering fate

Feed me your feeble disdain…

Choke on the Smog

Look at the shattered glass
Gaze into the mirror
See your twisted face
Your sunken hollow eyes
The grinding of the gears
Is the only music
Your dead ears can hear
On and on you drudge

Serve your masters
Here forever
Drain your color
Feed their hunger

Choke on the smog
It sustains you
Eighth world wonder mass produced
Stand on the line
Deep in their hive
Work ’til your hands bleed black with oil
You’re a machine
Input output
Lament regrets until you rust
Slave for their dream
Claim your reward
Willingly wasting all you have

I call forth the strength of all I am
Words forgotten echo through the ether
Who are you to tell me I am damned?
My body only burns because my mind is free

Choke on the smog…

Toil at the forge, earn a cage
Plate it with gold, hide your pain
Stare through the bars at your life
Living and dying inside
Nothing conceals your decay
Your mask has rotted away

Choke on the smog…


I wake to another day
The cycle begins again
Can’t leave, but don’t want to stay
Trapped in my discontent

The cold gray winter sky mocks my waning smile

Is it illusion, this thing I reach to find?
The empty shells of grand design
‘Till void is substance, and what I lack is mine
What can I do but fight to remain?

I wade through another night
The fears that deny me sleep
I’ve lost every hope to fight
To someday reclaim my peace

The cold gray winter sky mocks my waning smile

Is it illusion…

Torn between motion and stagnant surrender
Languishing under the chains of this conflict
Sheltering the dying flame of my resolve
Any cost to keep alive these dim embers
All I have, all that I am, I would forfeit
All I want, all that I seek is to burn these chains away

Is it illusion…

To Be Gone

Here I stand holding in a bleeding heart
Here I stand watching vision turn to dark
How my eyes long to close, and yet
Here I stand waging war inside myself
Here I stand fighting to resign myself
All it takes is one single step

What force keeps me fighting what I’ve always wanted?
Why can’t I just let it go?
Why can’t I just let it end?
What do I keep holding onto?

Here I stand wanting only to be gone
Here I stand caring not for anyone
How I long to depart, and yet
Here I stand clinging tighter to it all
Here I stand, though I only wish to fall
All it takes is one final breath

What force keeps me…

Ardor of the Flood

‚ÄčOnce upon a risen moon
I watched the shadows dance enthralled by its light
I let sorrow turn to rage
Familiar anger moist and sweet on my lips

Oh words, grant me release
Tears stain a map on blank pages

Diving into the core
Through the door to deepest comfort
The deluge washing away all but this
The bliss of the rain
The ardor of the flood
The passion that pours from the depths

Pure heart hardened and refined
Rising Leviathan, chaotic swell

Crawl for my lash and my hate
The opium of my favor

Diving into the core…

The Unheard Warning

Look again
And question what you’ve been told
Don’t sink in blind acceptance
Leave the cage
And cure yourself of disease
The cancer of consensus

Zarach Sitra Ahra
Mashal Samael
Ani Shebach Lilith
Yadid Qedeshah

Listen, hear the unheard warning
Learn to shed your weakness
Rescind failure
Take control and build a new creation

Test their words
Read between the broken lines
Find reflected wisdom
In the glass
Inverting what they call the truth
The serpent offers freedom

Anachnu Yaal Qliphoth
Qanah Geburah
Zarach Tanin’iver
Akal Tenuah


Thought and will, words to creation
Bringing substance to the void

I turn sorrow to rage
Anger sweet on my lips

Once a victim, now immortal
As I rise, you sink and fall

Let me bask in the rush
Of the bridges you burn

The questions are answered as the day turns to night
The blue turns to amber as the blind reclaim sight
The mass-produced wonder burning down to the ground
The chains fall away, the fire no longer bound

Plucking the Edenfruit growing in the shadow of paradise
Where no light shines to blind my eyes
Found in night’s embrace
The key to all

Nehemoth to Thamiel
Through every trial empowered
With every foe devoured
Claiming the throne of my own life

Here I stand alone
Bruised yet breathing
Bleeding yet alive
In pain yet whole
Sorrow turns to rage
Regret to vengeance
Learning how to love by learning to hate

Here I stand awake
Eyes unblinded
Seeing through the smog and past the shame
Letting go of all but my potential
The ardor of the flood cleansing the scars and leaving only what I am


I send out my cries
To the other side where sinful passion reigns
How I long to fly
Past the gates revealing holy as profane

Bring me to life
Open my eyes to the truth and the hidden wisdom
Please teach me how to hear you

Immaculate Whore
Ravaged Priestess
See how desperately I call
Lead me to the shore
Baptized in the ocean of your loving thrall

Bring me to life
Open my eyes to the truth and the hidden wisdom
Please teach me how to hear you
Consume my heart
Burn all I am, everything that I call my own
What more is left to offer?

Louder than His screams, Her laughter
At the laws that they built from His corpse
In the end they all will suffer
Never tasting the fruit of Her words:

“What benevolent creator sculpts a thing as flawed as this world?
Rules by abuse and fear?
Damnation truly is the ignorance of all the fire held deep within
The blissful flame that brands you as God

A world sculpted to hide the light within
Hopeless deception
Inverted Truth
Every commandment, enslavement of your core
The lie of scripture
The loss of self

What perfected loving father tortures all his children with death?
Exalts their martyrdom and sorrow?
Every generation prays that theirs will see the world as it burns
Such as the evil they see as good.”

Now I’ve found every answer
I’ve read this language of truth breeding lies
There’s but one true transgression
Inversion of the profane and divine
With my heart now enlightened
The sinful sacrament brings me to life
Sacrificing repression
And casting off my acceptance of hopelessness

Bring me to life…

My shattered hope serves now to show the way
Where every drop of blood lost is reclaimed