Metal Saved My Life

Comments: 311

In some ways, I can barely remember what life was like before Mute Prophet. Such incredible things have happened in the last few years, it almost feels like a completely different existence.

In fact, before the band, I’d actually never sung a note! Seriously. So how did I end up singing symphonic metal, of all things?

Well, the thing is…metal literally saved my life.

How so? Well…here’s the part that’s hard to share, but necessary.

So I had this crazy ex-boyfriend.

And one night he decided to jump me when I was walking home, beat me half-to-death, rape me, and leave me for dead on a fucking sidewalk.

Thankfully a passerby found me and took me to a hospital. But even after all my injuries had healed and I was cleared to go home, I couldn’t feel. Everything felt fake, like a very convincing dream.

Turns out, the physical trauma resulted in a mental illness called Depersonalzation Derealization Disorder – basically you feel so emotionally numb that you’re not even sure what’s real and what’s a dream.

It left me in a really dark place. I drank heavily, I abused drugs, I cut myself for the endorphin high (cliche, I know, but it worked for a little while), and I fantasized almost hourly about swallowing my entire medicine cabinet because I was so sick of numbness.

But then…something I never expected…

Kevin (our lead guitarist) and I had been best friends for years. And when I opened up to him about how utterly broken I was, he said the last thing I would have expected: “Try singing.”

Now bear in mind, again, I’d never sung a note in my life before this. So understandably I was reluctant.

But he basically argued, “Look, you’re suicidal anyway, how much more could you possibly have to lose? It might help you the way guitar helps me.”

He pulled up Nemo by Nightwish and essentially told me to do my best to sing along. Very beginner-friendly, right?

But as the song went on, I started to feel something again, for the first time in months. And as that chorus kicked in – “All I wish is to dream again” – I still get goosebumps thinking about how it felt. Tears were streaming down my face, and I seriously lost all control over my voice – it was like my body knew what it needed to do on its own.

By the time I was done, Kevin had this shocked look on his face. And naturally I assumed it was shock at how horrible I must have sounded, and apologized profusely for subjecting him to that.

But no, as you’ve probably guessed, instead he asked me to officially sing for him in a band he was starting!

Since then, life’s become an adventure that’s all about Mute Prophet.

We’ve recorded and released 3 great albums completely independently, we have an incredible community of supporters on Patreon, and we’re lucky enough to share our music with new listeners every single day. Yeah, I had to go through something pretty fucked up to get here, but you know what? It was worth it.

Music truly does have the power to change lives. That’s the reason I felt compelled to share this story, because everyone has their pains and struggles. But with music – and especially metal – we can triumph over anything! No matter what you’re going through, metal’s there for you. And here’s hoping that Mute Prophet becomes one of your new favorites 🙂

So please, leave a comment below or email me and let me know how you feel about this post, what you think of the music you’ve heard so far, or even just to say hi! It would mean a lot.

Thank you again for reading, and please do leave a comment below or shoot me an email if you feel like saying hi ❤️


  • Aaron says:

    Sorry you went through that, but a hell of a triumph story! You definitely should wear it proud!

  • Zalgaz Vahkzaival says:

    Mazuri vesh’ula vazual.

    Everything that happens is unfair and we fight against it with everything we have. Whether we win or not doesn’t matter, but what does matter is if we have fun fighting against it, because that is truly what matters, alongside feeling complete with the life we live. You found your life, and that is all we could ask for from you, and you give back to us with this expression of emotion, alongside the fun of doing what you do. It is truly an art form that cannot be replicated.

  • Jonathan Amador says:

    I have just now discovered this band and all the stories I have read especially this one, incredible. I’m sorry you went through that experience but glad someone was there to help you through the dark times.

  • Splinterd Soul says:

    You’re music is very moving and can feel your emotion in all your songs, the lyrics can bring me to tears. Glad you’ve found your outlet and have the confidence to share it with the world, it’s no small thing. Thank you.

  • John Kinney says:

    I’m blown away by everything.
    What an inspiring story and message to share !
    Would love to do an interview with you for our YouTube channel !
    Our subs would really love it !

  • Adam Farley says:

    That’s great to hear that you were able to come back from such a dark place and not only find a way to have peace, but discover a hidden talent and a way to use it.

  • Joerock says:

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. But I’m glad you found healing, and your singing is awesome!

  • Kohl says:

    I can completely understand where you are coming from. Guitar and songwriting has been the greatest escape for me in an extremely dark world. As a medium I’ve always existed somewhere between the veil of this world and the next. Never accepted and void of anything resembling love and completely forgotten by people. Constantly under attack from the other side I learned to disconnect and become numb to anything considered emotion. But through music I can use this gift to craft songs and riffs that are brought forward from another place. That power has changed my life and more importantly my existence. We all have demons we face. But finding power in music can truly define us and who we choose to be.

  • Douglas Masi says:

    I’m so sorry for what has happened to you. And I’m happy for how you’ve been able to come back from it. Your songs kick ass. Best of luck

  • infamousbutcher says:

    what an incredible story 🤘

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