Metal Saved My Life

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In some ways, I can barely remember what life was like before Mute Prophet. Such incredible things have happened in the last few years, it almost feels like a completely different existence.

In fact, before the band, I’d actually never sung a note! Seriously. So how did I end up singing symphonic metal, of all things?

Well, the thing is…metal literally saved my life.

How so? Well…here’s the part that’s hard to share, but necessary.

So I had this crazy ex-boyfriend.

And one night he decided to jump me when I was walking home, beat me half-to-death, rape me, and leave me for dead on a fucking sidewalk.

Thankfully a passerby found me and took me to a hospital. But even after all my injuries had healed and I was cleared to go home, I couldn’t feel. Everything felt fake, like a very convincing dream.

Turns out, the physical trauma resulted in a mental illness called Depersonalzation Derealization Disorder – basically you feel so emotionally numb that you’re not even sure what’s real and what’s a dream.

It left me in a really dark place. I drank heavily, I abused drugs, I cut myself for the endorphin high (cliche, I know, but it worked for a little while), and I fantasized almost hourly about swallowing my entire medicine cabinet because I was so sick of numbness.

But then…something I never expected…

Kevin (our lead guitarist) and I had been best friends for years. And when I opened up to him about how utterly broken I was, he said the last thing I would have expected: “Try singing.”

Now bear in mind, again, I’d never sung a note in my life before this. So understandably I was reluctant.

But he basically argued, “Look, you’re suicidal anyway, how much more could you possibly have to lose? It might help you the way guitar helps me.”

He pulled up Nemo by Nightwish and essentially told me to do my best to sing along. Very beginner-friendly, right?

But as the song went on, I started to feel something again, for the first time in months. And as that chorus kicked in – “All I wish is to dream again” – I still get goosebumps thinking about how it felt. Tears were streaming down my face, and I seriously lost all control over my voice – it was like my body knew what it needed to do on its own.

By the time I was done, Kevin had this shocked look on his face. And naturally I assumed it was shock at how horrible I must have sounded, and apologized profusely for subjecting him to that.

But no, as you’ve probably guessed, instead he asked me to officially sing for him in a band he was starting!

Since then, life’s become an adventure that’s all about Mute Prophet.

We’ve recorded and released 3 great albums completely independently, we have an incredible community of supporters on Patreon, and we’re lucky enough to share our music with new listeners every single day. Yeah, I had to go through something pretty fucked up to get here, but you know what? It was worth it.

Music truly does have the power to change lives. That’s the reason I felt compelled to share this story, because everyone has their pains and struggles. But with music – and especially metal – we can triumph over anything! No matter what you’re going through, metal’s there for you. And here’s hoping that Mute Prophet becomes one of your new favorites 🙂

So please, leave a comment below or email me and let me know how you feel about this post, what you think of the music you’ve heard so far, or even just to say hi! It would mean a lot.

Thank you again for reading, and please do leave a comment below or shoot me an email if you feel like saying hi ❤️


  • Todd Richard says:

    Very brave to share what happened to you, and I’m glad you were able to pull thru it. The music is awesome, you popped up on my news feed and I listened and was awestruck.

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