Quietus of Autumn (2019)

Fragments

These shallow wounds
Strangled screams, silent grief
Why am I drowning in your pain?
Take one more drop
Why must you leave me on the edge?

Denied a life
Yet denied death
Just enough sustenance to scream for you
My wounds won’t close
Yet my veins won’t drain
Can’t someone save me now or let me fall?

When will the shattered fragments come back to form perception?
Holes in my comprehension
Even in death would linger

My loving monster
Shall we again dance with rapturous death?
Your blade or mine
On this night let one of us take it too far
Take one more drop than I can bleed

When will the shattered fragments…

Despised in adoration
Warm as the last is draining
Longing with all I have to never again awaken

Suicide Sequence

I lie facedown clawing at the walls
Let the wine slip through your fingers, painting over me

Fabricate your perfect lie
From the pieces of my shattered self

Spit in my eyes, laughing as I fall
Infect wounds, dissect psychosis, agony embraced

Screams transform like day to night
Pleasure giving way to endless pain

Calloused veins, hoarse cries
Bring me with you to your demise
I will follow you forever
Singing off-key in your memory
Wed me to your rage and hatred
Passion only in tearing flesh
Blame and guilt I don’t deserve
Will solace ever stop feeling like sin?

What calls me back to the emptiness?
The vast, lonely cavern that once was my home
Back to this place without variance
The paradox helix of pity and hate

What calls me back to subservience?
The place where my sympathy’s taken by force
Back to this cage without sapience
Where my eyes of wisdom are gouged out and blind

Calloused veins, hoarse cries…

Now, my dearest, engage the countdown
Launch the program I must obey
Suicide sequence, my breathless consort
Caress each of my countless flaws

I was held first not by any lover
But the intimate arms of death
Searching for myself, I stare at static
Blood runs cold, walk into the snow

Calloused veins, hoarse cries…

Lost Horizons

I pour my soul into pages never to be read
The plague spread by my pen
My thoughts and feelings were never meant to be consumed
Mistaken for vision
I’ll burn these pages in time, each letter from my soul
The silence is sweeter
Precious cessation of breath, I’m swallowed by the flames
And end with my secrets

Steel needles pierce my eyes, but I swear I shall never cry
Darkness brings these breakthroughs, visions that light only would subdue

Sweet blood streaks down my face and intoxicates me
No more lost horizons, oh how the dark enlightens

Drink from the chalice I hold and you shall have my soul
My most prized possession
Only the worthy can cleanse the filth that rots my core
Or join me envenomed

Steel needles…

Sweet blood streaks down my face and intoxicates me
No more lost horizons, oh how the dark enlightens
Dear flood sweep away all but the path to triumph
Burn, bloom, swallow up despair, leaving only victory

Sweet blood streaks…

My Tribute

Hurt me
Paint me a memory
Hate me
So far beyond my reach
Show me I’m still wanted
Let pain be my tribute

As long as hatred burns I’ll live on in memory
Even your darkest thoughts an intimate love of me
Keep me immortal in your mind, blissfully despised
Dreaming of tearing me to shreds, feed me in your mind

Hurt me…

Burning the brightest, give me all of your pain inside
Faster and deeper down I fall into spiteful eyes

Hurt me…

My Bune
Transform the pain in me
Grant proof
Grant peace in faithless dreams
Break through all my failings
My pain, take my tribute

Never Again

One hand reached to grip my own
The other hid a blade
How easily I bled
Each cut deeper than the last
Yet each with the same pledge
The words “never again”

Spare me all your lies
All your cries for pity

Listen and hear the sting of your own words, love
“Never again” will I give in to you
“Never again” will you be free from the curse of what you’ve done

My wounds took away my voice
And pain held back the truth
But you are far from safe

You will lose it all
Here begins the countdown

Listen and hear…

Go on and make a monster of your victim
Poison the well, put all the blame on me
“Never again” will you know peace even in your sweetest dreams

Stained with my blood, yet you swear that it’s your own
Soon all your wounds will turn from lies to truth

Listen and hear…

Martyr’s Glory

Losing touch
Make yourself a martyr
Play the victim you long to be
Seeking pain
Longing for oppression
Turn yourself against all you see

Making your demands of reality, force it to conform
Scream and cry and beg all the world to foster your new norm
Arrogance your nature, in entitlement you drown
Your delusion rests in a tower of glass, come crashing down!

Brittle walls are rising high
Protect your fragile pride
Cradling your hollow lie
Uniting to divide

Far beyond your grasp is the key to the truth you must perceive
Yours the only voice echoing in your tomb of self-deceit
Caring only for your own, the labels you’ve defined
Turn away the voice of all reason and rot inside your mind!

Losing touch…

Even wolves can cry, your tears sculpt false perception
Every word you sob just a ploy for gain
Sing to me a chorus of worthless deception
Toxic is your speech, spitting acid rain

Losing touch…

How is it that even those who saw me bleeding
Still have turned away to worship your poison tongue?
One last thing you took from me before my escape
Left me with the pain, but you stole my scars

Losing touch…

Vultures

Given just enough to keep the dream alive, my conflict
Given just enough to keep me willing to endure
This raft made of brittle bones, amidst your sea of sorrow
Circling vultures, peck from me this gift I cannot bear

Vision of myself
Show me what I am without
All my pain
Poison in my gnarled roots

Breaking down
There’s no light beyond this tunnel of my hate
All I am is what I suffer
Dry the tears
Free the spirit bound together with my flesh
Stay awake with me forever

My reward forever out of reach, the gleam in your eyes
My nostalgia for the memory of a fantasy
What would I not give to let my flame burn out forever?
Oh, to know the peace of one who needn’t care to fight

Breaking down…

Vision of myself
Tell me, can I live without
All my rage
Live with no one left to fight

Breaking down…

Into the Ice

Follow me, deep into the cold
Come, forsake what could be done
Let your world slip away, my love
Come, just let it all go numb

Is this real?
Do I truly contemplate my end? Am I now so broken?
Can I heal?
Can I hold out hoping I can mend? Ev’ry gesture, token
Should I stay?
Should I pray in vain that I’ll be free? Cast aside all reason
One more day
One more hopeless night within my cage, living with a monster

Why do I resist such a beautiful ending – what is there to lose in defeat?
I want nothing more than to close down and surrender, let the ice just carry me to sleep

Drifting down
From the inside out I rot and sink into ink-black waters
Without will
Not to save myself or turn away, I can fight no longer
Guiding light
Please inspire but what final song, then let peace consume me
Silent sigh
Of a last breath held for far too long, give release, fulfill me

Why do I resist…

Quietus of Autumn

Seal your decay, in the tide of lies you suffocate
Swallow a star, choking on the flames, degenerate

Nail yourself to the cross, exalted martyr
Exhaust all of my pity
Sewing shut the songbird’s mouth, enslaving prophets
Yet still playing the victim

Personify all the flaws within you that you hate
Bring them to life in the twisted world that you create

Kill me trying to save your life
See me shining like the sun and know you’ll never be my moon
Feel me prying into your twisted mind
See me shining while you go up in flames

Watch your power dwindle
All you had burning down to ash
Now unkindled, your passion dies
The demon overtakes the guise of your dead angel

Kill me trying…

My voice follows you wherever you go
Laughing at the ones inside your head
Did you walk away with all you wanted?
I still taunt you from beneath your bed
Scared and cowering without your white knights
General with no army to command
Bring them all beneath your lying banner
Can’t you hit me with your own weak hand?

I dare you to hit me just once
One punch you throw yourself
Let’s see you show some courage for a change
See how strong you are when you fight your own battles
Enter my world alone
Come face me and we’ll put you to the test
I will tear you apart
Taunt you as you fall
“Isn’t it funny how the rabbits scream like children?”

Tell me your legend of divine metamorphosis
Your twisted stage on which you play out your fears
Gods entombed in the earth, the world a necropolis
Can you smell them rotting underneath your feet?
Each word you write just takes you further from reality
Growing delusions, bringing forth your own hell
All the rancid thoughts that you refuse to be conscious of
Find their own way out and reveal your core

Kill me trying…

Between Love and Fear

I am the canvas you’re painting
Your masterpiece of cruelest intentions
My scars the proof of your passion
I’m battered and beaten an inch from the edge

Bound tight in chains between love and fear
Better to endure than turn away from you
So deep the pain, yet it’s pain I know
Freedom far from worth the risk of finding worse

I am the martyr, your savior
To comfort you, I must let you break me
Lovingly I’ll bear your cruelty
Through tears I’ll still smile as you rip me apart

Bound tight in chains…

Slow but sincere, you’ll take my life
Control so fleeting, here at least I choose my end
Yet there’s no silencing this voice
The silent scream to trust for once in my own strength

From the instant of birth, I was shackled
One abuse to the next, all I’ve known
No more reason to see good in evil
No more truth in the lie that you’ll change
And the cycle breaks

As my eyes close comes sincerity
A fearlessness that breaks what’s conditioned
This is the truth, this is clarity
I won’t be deprived, won’t shun all I deserve

No longer chained between love and fear
Finally I make the choice to save myself
My eyes at last see beyond your haze
As I rise, you’ll fall into a hell that I’ll create

Beneath the Waters

Reach out your hand to the withering branches
Mourning by name each of their fallen leaves

Can you feel
Each frozen teardrop?

Fail now to see through the fast-falling night shroud
Life but a dream from which you cannot wake

Can you feel
Ambition failing?

Search through your heart, through the deepest of all its memories
Feel your anguish
Tear it apart, let it all sink beneath the waters
Fall to pieces

Gaze reverently at the beauty of darkness
Pitch-black infinity empty in scope

Can you feel
Pain drag you under?

See now the vacuum, the absence of starlight
Each of your dreamscapes devoid of all life

Can you feel
Perception open?

Search through your heart…

Empathy

Unchain myself, now decode all embraced illusion
Embrace my hell, I reclaim myself free of your countless scars

Serpent ascending
Released from thy prison
Arise Leviathan, bring forth the purging flood
Lilith descending
The kiss of thy wisdom
The wings that take me beyond victimhood

My eyes unbound, I behold all inverted wisdom
This truth I’ve found, my potential exceeds all you’ll ever know

Serpent ascending…

Traverse inner halls
Find in the shadows a truth yet untold
Taste the fruit and fall
Sink through the starlight, the void and the cold

Take in silver light
Growing the pressure, expanding my mind
Helix strands unwind
Stand and submit as it draws you inside

Deep within, the answers here I find
Returning to perfection
Guided to the place where I can rise
A hell of my invention

“Waste no more time as a slave to occurrence
Take the crown, break all the laws that contained you
Cast off the burden of fate, be reborn free
Freed from the shackles of choices made for you”

Close off my empathy and open the cage
Give me the blessing of a selfish mind
Consideration be replaced by disdain
Caring for only those who earn the right

Serpent ascending…